A Child’s Right to Grieve….

Hello my name is Charlotte, 6 years ago I lost my 18 year old brother in car accident. I still remember my dad waking me up after that knock on the door telling me my brother had died, the police officer repeating these words, words that u don’t want to be true. My world came crashing down in front of me. How could this be.  My mum and dad crumbling before my eyes, who do I turn to? Noah’s Ark.

Noah’s Ark  helped me deal with the whirl wind of emotions that I was faced with. Helped me to see a future and taught me how to live with my brother not being the big part of my life he was. The residential weekend showed me that I wasn’t on my own, life seemed so hard and lonely. Thanks to the help of Noah’s Ark I have only strived forward with my life. I miss my brother dearly but I can remember and enjoy the memories we had together. Thank you Noah’s Ark for helping me and my family in every way that you have without you I would not be where I am in my life today. I now enjoy fund raising and helping Noah’s Ark in every way that I can. My way of saying the biggest thank you and to help ensure other children in my situation continue to receive the help that they may need.

How To Do A Skydive When You Are Terrified Of Skydives.

By Dee Montague

A skydive was always something I never wanted to do. It’s on many people’s lists of things to do before they are 30, but I have always prioritised other events, like going to seeLiverpoolplay more often or attending certain gigs or festivals. Basically, selfish acts that benefit my own life.

Signing up to do a skydive for Noah’s Ark Trust was something I gave more thought to than most things I do, mainly due to the fact that just thinking about throwing myself out of a plane with only some material and a mentalist attached to me, made my blood run cold.

But sign up I did. Why? Well, other than being of questionable sanity at the best of times, being stupid and far too spontaneous for my own good, there were two overriding reasons I couldn’t say no. Firstly, my biggest fear basically eliminates the many other ridiculous fears and phobias I have; when my time is up, my biggest fear is that I will wish I did the things I had the chance to do but didn’t. I never regret the things I have done, but the things I didn’t. Secondly, I couldn’t really bear the idea of another child going through the darkness, loneliness and fear of bereavement without the support of Noah’sArk.It may well happen; but I was going to do something to try and help at least one bereaved child out in their hour of need.

So, the fundraising began and my fears of heights, falling from them, flying…well, non-flying, should the plane decide to crash, and the wind (like I said, I have some ridiculous fears) were soon to be confronted.

Glastonbury and Poland were welcome distractions in the run up to the jump itself but I didn’t really sleep for the two nights before. I wasn’t worried something would go wrong; I didn’t think the parachute wouldn’t open or anything like that, I was just scared! The morning of the jump was horrendous. Not only did I have to be up at 5:30 to get ready and be at the Skydive Centre by 8am, my nerves made general functioning pretty impossible. This was not helped on arriving at the drop zone. Dad came with me, and once we had signed up and laughed at the ‘jokes’ we went to get a cup of tea through another entrance of the hangar. Next to the portakabin were a load of sofas that looked as though they had been rescued from scenes of crime. We chose to sit outside. I sent a text to The Marine and asked if the safety was reflected in the quality of the facilities. If it was, it wouldn’t be good!

For the next four hours, Dad put up with me chewing my hands and generally snapping at him due to the anxiety, whilst trying to keep me entertained each time he’d see me slip into a silent fear. Not long after we arrived, the other people jumping and I were taken into a room to be told what we were going to experience. We had to leave our loved ones outside and go it alone. I wasn’t content about this.

The guy who was giving us the brief was a very likeable chap, however I found myself wanting to scream at him to shut up on a number of occasions, purely because he was going into incredibly minute detail about each step of the skydiving process, and I could feel the urge to be sick becoming more threatening by the second. I had tears in my eyes. I was actually shaking. I began thinking of excuses to get out of it. I thought about creating a diversion and running out of the centre, screaming at Dad to start the car as I did so. Dad’s not so quick on his feet these days, I needed a Plan B.

Plan B came in the unlikely form of what my male friends would call ‘manning up’. I had a word with myself, gave my head a wobble and decided I was there, I may as well do it. I knew I would enjoy it once I got out of the plane (which was the bit I feared most) so I thought, “why not try and enjoy the whole experience of the day as well?” We finished the brief, and shortly afterwards I was putting on my jumpsuit. I chose the sturdiest one I could find and remember thinking it would offer the most protection should the ‘chute or reserve not open.

After finishing embarrassing myself when I was putting my harness and insisting in starting from my left leg, my OCD was delighted to see me named as a jumper on Lift Four (no odd numbers, thanks). I found it amusing that during the first incident, one of the other jumpers was laughing at me for having a “silly superstition”. I would have thought that superstitions would be the things you wouldn’t want to jeopardise on a day like that.

I met my instructor, The Para, who was very nice and put me at ease. I told him I was scared and he seemed to read me like a book at set about distracting me from the reason I was there. We discussed where I was from and he said he knew a lot of people based in the Regiment there. I was suddenly very grateful to The One Who Can’t Speak Civilian for teaching me a number of military slang words on our drunken nights out as I began conversing with The Para about becoming ‘airborne’ and how many ‘hats’ and ‘bootnecks’ I know, as well as debating whether a cup of tea is a ‘brew’ or a ‘hot wet’. Before I knew it, we were in the bus on the way to the plane where The Para kept me distracted by taking the mick out of another of the instructors and encouraging me to join in.

TheParavery kindly volunteered for us to exit the plane last, which would mean I would see six other people do so before me. Had I not been in a practically seated position at that point in a very tight harness, I would have ran away. We got into the plane and I realised there was no going back. Especially as I was furthest away from the door and had an instructor who must have weighed about sixteen stone sat next to me. It took about twenty five minutes to get up to altitude, which was eventually decided at 12,000. The Para let me take my hat off until we got to the height we needed to open the door, and he chatted to me about the altitudes and explaining everything to me as he attached my harness to his, very tightly. This helped. We also continued to rip the mick out of the other instructor. That helped too. Then came the time for the others to jump. Thankfully no one could hear me as I shouted swear words as each person exited the plane. It looked like they were just falling out…which I guess they were. I somehow managed to shimmy into position and put my legs out of the plane. I put my hands across my chest, fought back the tears by closing my eyes really tightly and swore quite a bit. We left the plane.

As I could feel my internal organs playing musical chairs inside me, I heard The Marine’s voice in my head, telling me to open my eyes as per his advice the night before so I did, just before I was tapped on the shoulder to assume the freefall position. I can honestly say I genuinely enjoyed the experience from that point. I arched as I was told to (on an almost daily basis by The One Who Can’t Speak Civilian) and took in the view below. The fields were so far away they looked like a patchwork quilt and I tried to spot the drop zone. I was then tapped on the shoulder and put my arms back across my chest as the parachute opened.

There was then a beautiful silence as we floated to the ground below.  TheParaasked me if I wanted to control the canopy, I was beyond keen. I had us spinning in spirals until I was screaming like a girl with joy (rare). Then we landed. If you go to a step now, then gently jump from the step instead of walking off it, you will know what it feels like to land from a parachute jump. The fact it was such a soft landing from such a great height made me laugh. Dad welcomed me back to earth and I realised he must have been really nervous for me; he seemed very happy to see me. I thanked The Para, who told me he couldn’t believe how well I had done with or without the fear. The other instructor heard how scared I had been and said had he known that, he would have returned fire. I’m obviously a good actress.

I was given a certificate and soon left, heading back for home. I looked at my phone to see a text from The Marine telling me that all UK centres looked like the one I had just left; a late reassurance. I was pleased to be able to report that I had done the jump and had lived.

I realise this hasn’t exactly been a ‘how-to’ guide about skydiving, but I speak to lots of people about doing it. Here’s my advice:

If you’re the kind of person who has always wanted to do a skydive but are worried, do it. You’ll regret it if you don’t.

If you’re the kind of person who has always wanted to do a skydive, so you’ve done loads, you’re strange.

If you’re the kind of person who wouldn’t even consider doing something like that, then I’m sorry.

Would I do it again? Never say never.

If you think you could donate a quid or so to Noah’s Ark Trust, the amazing charity I jumped for, please click here. It’s really easy to do and if you donate online you can give Gift Aid; it doesn’t cost you anything extra, but helps give up to 28% more than your donation. Thank you to everyone who donated and made it possible for me to do it; you’re very special people.

xxxx

Jacobs 3 Peaks Challenge!

My name is Jacob Gwilliam and I was aged five on the 15^th May 2011. I love hill walking and regularly go trekking and cycling with my mum and dad. In May of this year we went on holiday to Scotland where we made our first attempt to climb Ben Nevis. We failed due to poor weather conditions and had to turn around after getting within 200 metres of the summit. I was very disappointed that we had failed and I asked my mummy and daddy if we could climb other mountains as I had enjoyed the trek so much. We came up with the idea to walk the three highest peaks in the UK – Scafell Pike, Ben Nevis and Snowdon. We have decided to call this Jacob’s Three Peaks Challenge ! To make it more difficult we decided to walk all three before the 30^th September 2011 whilst I am still aged five and before the bad winter weather sets in.

We thought it was a good idea to also take this opportunity to raise money for a local charity. The one closest to our hearts is *Noah’s Ark Trust in Worcester which helps children who have lost a parent through bereavement. It is special to us because both mummy and daddy suffered this loss when they were young.

You can sponsor me through this form and also online at http://www.virginmoneygivi​ng.com/team/Gwilliam

Thank you for making a donation – no matter how small.

*Noah’s Ark helps to rebuild the lives of local children shattered by the death of a loved one. The devastation felt by children who experience a bereavement of a loved one is impossible to imagine. Yet every year, there are hundreds of local children who feel this anguish. The sole aim of Noah’s Ark Trust is to support these children, helping them to come to terms with what has happened.

Alison’s Story

“Without Noah’s Ark Trust we would not be where we are today”

 

To cope with the sudden and tragic loss of your husband, your children’s father and the ‘love of your life’,

but still deal with the day-to-day practicality of ‘keeping a roof over your head’ can prove an almost intolerable burden.

That was the predicament that Alison Kane had to endure following the horrific cycling accident that took her husband Tim’s life on the 18th April 2007.

 

After only a four week break from work, dealing with a police investigation and the Coroners Court, whilst having to support daughter Olivia aged six and son Anton then four, left Alison with little time for her own grief. The burden of uncertainty over the family’s insurance arrangements added enormously to the stress Alison endured over this period.

 

Five months later with the onerous amount of work that is involved in securing an insurance settlement behind her, lack of sleep, difficulties with the children’s behaviour following their loss and a feeling that in her own words, “getting on with leading a normal life was impossible”, Alison knew she needed

professional help for her children and herself.

 

But where does a person in this situation go for help? Local councils, schools and the NHS do not have departments that deal with these situations and then Alison found Noah’s Ark Trust.

 

Following an initial meeting with Brenda Houghton of Noah’s Ark, Alison finally found the support she had been seeking, for herself and her children. This support through the bereavement process may, at times, prove to be extremely difficult, as Alison’s participation

in the Noah’s Ark residential weekend shows:

 

“On what would have been Tim’s birthday I sobbed for the whole trip. Being with people that were all in a similar position to me led to an enormous outpouring of grief from the start to the finish of the weekend. For the children however, to be with twenty eight other children that had lost a parent, sibling or grandparent and had experienced the same sense of loss, was a real turning-point for them”. Following this the children saw Brenda on their own, at school and at home. At all times their conversations were confidential and I think this has helped them enormously.

 

“Simple questions and situations that I had struggled with; am I doing the right thing by being completely honest about what happened to their Father in the accident, answering questions such as, when is the pain going to go away; is it normal for Olivia to block everything out about her Father; are questions that Noah’s Ark and their team can answer from a position of experience. It is an enormous resource that the whole family can draw upon”.

 

On the Road to the London Marathon

I started running 2 years ago, initially to support my Mum who’d decided she’d like to tackle a half marathon – she hadn’t run for 40 years! I quickly started to enjoy it and now run about 3 times a week, up to 20 miles in total.

In the last 2 years, I’ve run 3 half marathons and quite a few 10K races. Mum and I both joined Ludlow Runners and it’s through them I got the London Marathon place.

My Marathon training started properly in January, I knew I could run 13 miles, however 26.2 miles was going to be a challenge, how was I going to fit it all in? (I am currently in the 2^nd year of a Degree and work as a Teaching Assistant inHereford)

I needed someone to help me, so I enlisted the help of Ben Harwood, a Personal Trainer, at Point 4 in Hereford– he gave me a weekly plan and got me working on building up my stamina and strength.

I’ve had lots of encouragement from my husband, Nick, who has reluctantly ‘donned’ his shorts and joined me for shorter 2 mile runs and up to 10 miles on his bike, he’s also had to put up with my ‘down’ days when I’ve been tired and needed a kick to get off the settee!

Anyway, ‘the plan’ works well some weeks, increasing the runs by 1 or 2 miles, other times, when my legs have hurt so much, it’s all I can do to walk!! It’s been tough trying to get motivated then – using the I Pod helps also, knowing I’m burning up 100+ calories per mile means I can eat more food and a glass or 2 of wine.

Running for Noah’s Ark Trust has helped, as I wanted to support a local charity that means something to me. Both Nick and I lost a parent when we were in our teens; it was a horrible time and one where we really needed support. We were lucky enough to have family and friends around us who were able to help us through this. However, I know there are children who may not have that support or who need other people to talk to or support them. When I found out about Noah’s Ark I realised what a fantastic service it offered so I wanted to raise money for them so they can continue this great work. Also, I don’t want to let down all of the generous people who’ve supported this good cause.

My Mum has continued to run with me up to 10 miles, but has to resort to the bike for my 20+ mile runs. She tries to keep me motivated, but when the pain kicks in nothing really helps. It’s then time for the mind to take over and I really have to ‘psych’ myself up and try to imagine myself finishing the distance. It’s true that your body can be trained to do almost anything, but it’s only determination that will enable you to see it through.

Well, It’s 2 days away; I know I can run 20 miles, I know the pain will probably start at 16+ miles (that’s when the lactic acid builds up in your muscles), but I’m excited and nervous.

I’m sure the atmosphere and the crowds will help, I’ve done as much as I can; now I just want to complete the distance and cross that finish line!!

To support me and help me raise more funds for this worthy cause please visit my Virgin Giving site on the attached link. http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/RuthCaswell

Many Thanks, Ruth Caswell

An easy way to make a donation with no extra cost to you!

Following a rapid increase in referrals at Noah’s Ark Trust, we have found ourselves with over 120 children waiting for our support. For those of you who don’t know, we provide a free of charge grief support service to children and young people across Herefordshire and Worcestershire after the death of someone close. As we do not receive any statutory funding we rely heavily on the generosity of the local community; So, please read on and learn how you can help us (at no extra cost to yourself) put a smile on these children’s faces. 

As I am sure you can imagine, fundraising is very difficult in the current economic climate and we at Noah’s Ark Trust are always looking for new inovative ideas especially those that don’t cost our supporters anything! We’ve been involved with The Giving Machine  http://www.thegivingmachine.com/   for a little while now and received some money from it – it is a great way for individuals or companies to generate free donations for their favourite charities as a result of online shopping.  When you buy online via TheGivingMachine, a sales commission is received from the participating shop and this is converted into a donation on your behalf and sent to your chosen beneficiary(s).

We recently received the following letter from one of our supporters, he didn’t want us to use his name but we have verified the transactions he mentions :-

Dear Gabby

I thought I’d write and tell you about my experiences of using The Giving Machine to raise money for Noah’s Ark. I first came across the site about 18 months ago and initially used it only occasionally when buying online.  Some months ago I needed to book a hotel for a business trip and decided to use  Hotels.com via the Giving Machine. I was very pleasantly surprised to generate a donation of more than  £30 from this single transaction and it made me wonder  what would happen if I consciously made an effort  to  buy online using The Giving Machine.

In the last 3 months alone I’ve generated more than £100 in free donations for Noah’s Ark (almost £200 in total) and I hope this will help you continue with your wonderful work.  What’s more I’ve discovered benefits for myself/my company as well – for example Hotels.com always offers the lowest rates and allows cancellations if necessary; I’ve saved more than £300 in the past year by buying my rail tickets in advance through trainline.com; Amazon is almost always cheaper than the high street for books, DVD’s and children’s computer games and I’m sure there are many more examples.

 I look forward to generating more funds for you in the future, keep up the great work.

 Best Wishes

The letter above got me thinking that The Giving Machine could represent a real opportunity to generate significant money for the charity at no cost to our supporters.  Not everyone will have all the opportunities described above but there are hundreds of retailers on the site, covering all sorts of items and if all of our supporters – both individuals and companies – generated an average of £20 each in a year it would give us a considerable amount of money.

So, our request to you is to  use The Giving Machine when you shop online – go to www.thegivingmachine.co.uk , register and specify Noah’s Ark Trust as your beneficiary.  Let us know if you need any help and we’ll be glad to sort this out for you.

 Thank you for your continued support

The Death of a Loved One

My brother Kev died aged 26 of a rare bone cancer called Ewing’s Sarcoma in 2001. He was ill for 14 months. I was 17 when he died, too old to be classed as a child, but too young to deal with bereavement as an adult. This is the bit where I would love to write about the fantastic support from Noah’s Ark Trust,  but unfortunately I only found out the Trust existed two years ago.

So, I can’t tell you what it was like to have one-to-one support. I can’t tell you what it was like to be able to meet other people who understood at a residential weekend. I can’t tell you what it was like to be regularly reassured that it was ok to cry, to laugh, to smile and to talk about Kev. However I can give you an idea of what life was like trying to deal with it on my own.

The team at Noah’s Ark asked me how I coped without the specialist support they offer. The most accurate and honest answer is that I don’t think I did. When Mum and Dad came into my bedroom to tell me he had died, I cried but then stopped myself as I made a decision to be strong. The family dynamic changed for some time after that. I set myself goals – ‘Get through the funeral’, ‘get through the first week back at college’, ‘get through the first month/6 months/year’ et cetera. It changed me forever.

Kev died during the February half term, so I went back to college a week after he died, two days after the funeral. I remember that Mum had told my tutors and I had told my friends, but for the first few weeks after I felt terribly alone, despite their efforts to help and support me. My friends decided not to tell anyone, as they didn’t think I’d want anyone to know. This just made me feel like it was something that shouldn’t be discussed; I almost felt ashamed about it. It also meant there were many awkward and upsetting situations that I had no idea how to deal with. I wish I’d been able to speak to a counsellor or Noah’s Ark friend who would have been able to reassure me.

As well as the emotional elements of my bereavement, the physical side effects were very difficult to deal with too. I lost nearly 1 ½ stone in a very short time due to the stress of the situation. I got cold sores for the first time, which crawled up my top lip and into my nostrils (nice). I found out what migraines were and I smoked like a chimney despite being asthmatic, but I kept that from my parents.

The most upsetting outcome physically remains the changes to my eyes. All through childhood, I had what Mum called ‘smiling eyes’. It sounds so clichéd when people say ‘When they died, part of me died too’, but it’s so true. Even now I scare myself when I look in the mirror on a ‘bad day’ to see what I call my ‘dead eyes’; they look like I am emotionally void inside. While the team at Noah’s Ark couldn’t have stopped that, they could have helped me understand and deal with the fear that resulted from these physical effects.

The grieving process I experienced never felt normal to me. I talked to Mum a lot, but I really think I would have benefited more from the kind of support that Noah’s Ark could have offered. I felt like no one understood and I felt so incredibly alone. People would tell me they understood because they had lost a grandparent or someone else close to them but to me that was completely different.

There seems to be such a stigma surrounding bereavement and grief, and I so wish I’d had the support of Noah’s Ark to help me through it. I feel sad that things could have been so much easier without the pressure of going through it alone and I’m frustrated with a whole range of people that I wasn’t made aware of the support that could have been available to me.

I still have bad days but I don’t see this as a negative thing; I don’t see how you can go through something so devastating and ‘get over it’. You learn to deal with the bad days and accept that they are part of life. Despite this, I do think that if I’d had the access to the support offered by Noah’s Ark when I was 17, it wouldn’t have taken me so long to mentally accept and understand what happened.

Nearly ten years after Kev died, I am happy, positive and have more self confidence than average people (a psychometric test told me so). I went to university and graduated with a 2:1 BA (Hons) degree and have worked hard since to create and take opportunities. I’m excited about the potential opportunities coming my way – one of which I hope to get more involved with Noah’s Ark. I write a blog (www.chimplet.wordpress.com) too – each post is a letter to Kev – and that’d been incredibly helpful to me in helping me make sense of it all. I hope it can help other people in similar situations and offer them hope and positively.

Noah’s Ark Lantern Walks

Christmas is a time of happiness and joy for most however for some individuals it can be a time of heartache and pain of missing someone who is no longer there to spend that special time with. At Noah’s Ark we try to make those difficult times much more bearable by giving the children that we support the skills they need to work through their pain, move forward and enjoy life again – ultimately building a brighter future.

If you would like to help support our service and remember a loved one this Christmas, please come along to our Lantern Walks. The first is being held on Saturday December 11^th at Worcester Countryside Centre at 5pm and the second is on Saturday 18^th December at Queenswood Arboretum in Hereford.

If you are unable to attend the walks you can still purchase a lantern and it will be lit in the honour of the person you would like to remember at this special time.

Please call either office to book your lantern and get further details. Worcester – 01905 340019 Hereford – 01432 264555

Mayor and Mayoress free fall for local charity

The current Mayor of Ledbury Paul Winter, and his wife Tina, recently completed  a successful tandem skydive at Cirencester Airfield in Gloucestershire, to raise money for his chosen charity Noah’s Ark Trust, which provides bereavement support to children, young people and their families throughout Herefordshire and Worcestershire.

The jump, which was originally planned for October 9^th, had to be postponed for a week due to inclement weather conditions. Perfect weather was the order of the day, one week later, with fantastic blue and cloudless skies. The Mayoress was facing a huge personal challenge and was determined to conquer her fear of heights.

Paul and Tina executed their jump perfectly, accompanied by fellow Ledbury Councillor Greg Hazelwood. Paul commented that the whole experience was “awesome and completely amazing. I’m so proud of Tina who rose to the challenge and overcame her fear! I would like to say a huge thank you to the people and businesses in Ledbury for their kind and generous sponsorship, which has raised over £3000 for Noah’s Ark Trust.”

Said Tina, “It was an absolutely fantastic experience, and I’m so pleased that I’ve achieved this despite my fear of heights. It didn’t matter how scared I was, with such fantastic support and sponsorship, I knew I couldn’t let the charity down and would make the jump.”

The local charity, which started in Worcestershire in 1998 and moved into Herefordshire in 2006, helps to rebuild the lives of local children devastated by the death of a loved one. The devastation felt by children and young people who experience a close personal bereavement is impossible to imagine. Yet every year, there are hundreds of them who feel this anguish. The sole aim of Noahs Ark Trust is to support these youngsters, helping them come to terms with what has happened by offering practical and emotional help. This may be in the form of one to one support, group work or inclusion in an activity weekend which is offered 5 times each year.

The ethos of the charity has always been to provide this support free of charge, therefore enabling accessibility to all who need it. To continue with this, Noahs Ark Trust needs to raise approximately £500,000 per year from within the local community and from charitable trusts and grants, as they receive no governmental funding. To provide support in Ledbury £10,000 is required, which this year will hopefully be raised by the Mayor and Mayoress. Paul Winter has set himself the personal target of raising this sum and has so far been extremely encouraged by the generosity and enthusiasm of his local community.

For more information please contact Liz Collins on 01432 264555 or visit www.noahsarktrust.co.uk

The last time I ran in a race was in a Fun Run in the late 80′s. The perfect candidate to run in the Virgin London Marathon 2011!

As my title suggests it has been a long while since I’ve ran in a running event.   I have always longed to have a go at the London Marathon  and have decided to run for a local charity, Noah’s Ark Trust, that provides essential support to local bereaved children.

I am 36 and have decided to give up my love of Chinese and Häagen-Dazs ice cream and give a good crack at the London Marathon.  So this blog will not demonstrate a super human fit person but a person with three goals:

1. To Finish                               2. To finish ideally in 4Hr 30mins                              3. To pass the finish line in style.

Watch this space for more interesting information from my London Marathon Chalenge!